You Can’t Blame a Chicken for Being a Chicken

A while back, one of our hens went into “setting” mode. She’d been gathering all the other hens’ eggs into her nest and sitting on them for about two weeks.  There were 14 eggs! She wouldn’t eat or drink and she’d puff up if you got near her.  The children were so concerned about her that they put water and food right at the edge of her nest and begged me to do something.   I did. I called the Ranch/Farm supply store and told them the problem. They said that I should put her in a separate area with her eggs and in the night slip live little chicks under her while she was asleep and take the eggs away.  I talked to another friend who raised turkeys and chickens and she verified that this was true and she had done it successfully herself.  So I bought four little chicks and put the chicks under her that night.  They just snuggled right down under her and slept. It was so exciting. The next morning she was in protection mode, and the chicks were behind her and she wouldn’t let us near them. We were so excited and proud of her.

That afternoon, after church, the kids raced into the backyard to check on the chicks. The hen had killed every single one of them. It was awful. Ben discovered them, poor lad, he said he felt like screaming and screaming. Their little heads and eyes were pecked full of oozing holes. They lay in various awkward positions sprawled and bloody in the sawdust.  The kids were sick. When six year old Ephraim found out what had happened he was horrified and upset. “Canibal!” He shouted. “Kill her!!” His response was understandable but drastic.  I quickly cleaned up the mess.

As I pondered on the scene of carnage for some reason it reminded me of being in the classroom in 4^th grade when 6’2” Mr. Poulton used to scream at us at the top of his lungs.  Once, he picked up Hector Baker and slammed him down on the desk then pushed him off.  Once, he grabbed Ashton by the shoulders and pinned him against the wall with his feet not touching the ground and bellowed in his face.  He never yelled at me. I was smart and obedient, he had me teach a mini lesson on Hiku once, but I was stressed out in that class. The only thing I looked forward to was recess.   I thought of my friend up north who just finished her student teaching.  Her Master teacher would scream at the kids calling them “lying, cheating, saxs” and told them they would never amount to anything.  It wasn’t just once, it was on a daily basis she would terrorize them into performing while emotionally savaging them.  These are good teachers, their classrooms are beautiful, they say all the right things at back to school night, yet they growl and snarl at their students;  labeling, accusing, shaming, emotionally pecking at their students’ heads and eyes until the kids see no hope for themselves or their future. If you were to talk to any one of these adults they’d “fluff” their feathers and say they care very much about kids and would be much offended/outraged at the idea that you think they might be harming children in the classroom..they chose to be teachers after all.

I unceremoniously dumped the hen back with the other hens. She was, after all, a chicken, they are cannibals. My husband worked on a farm where a couple of the ag. students would pick a chicken they “didn’t like” and throw eggs at it. Then the other chickens would gather around and eat the broken eggs off the hit chicken’s back and eventually tear the whole animal apart!   I had hoped for the best for my chicks and had gotten the worst, but we can’t blame a chicken for being a chicken.  She still sets on eggs and fluffs her feathers out to guard them, but I act responsibly and remove the eggs.

Why didn’t I tell my parents that the teacher was hurting kids in 4^th grade? I really couldn’t say…no one ever asked me if I felt emotionally safe at school. I figured if it was happening the grownups must know about it and since it wasn’t being stopped it must be OK somehow.   I was an “A” student… obviously all must be well and the teacher was great. 

Hind sight is 20/20…Which teachers did I learn the best from?  I learned best from the ones who adored me and pushed me to do better because they cared more about me than how I made them look.  And as for Mr. Poulton?  Well, I guess you can’t blame a chicken for being a chicken but if my kid had been in his class I would have pulled them out.  He may have been a good egg setter, but he should not have been trusted with chicks.

Thank Heavens for a Mom who knew what to do.

When I was eleven years old, I wanted to quit the church.  I had anger issues and often felt guilty because I couldn’t seem to control my temper.  The more I tried the worse it became.  Besides that, it seemed the church had too many rules and I couldn’t see the point in many of them.  I told my mom I wasn’t going to go to church any more and she told me that if I read the Book of Mormon and didn’t think it was true I could quit.  I was delighted.  I was very bright and  was a FAST reader.  I knew I could finish it in less than a week.  I planned to zoom through it in a couple of days, tell my mom I knew it wasn’t true, and I’d be FREEEEEEE!!.  In anticipation of removing the burden of being a Mormon I cheerfully grabbed the book and began to read.  Just as I thought, it was an easy read and as boring as I imagined.  “And it came to pass, and it came to pass, and it came to pass...”  Then I started 2 Nephi chapter 4.

15 And upon ^athese I ^bwrite the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures which are engraven upon the plates of brass. For my soul ^cdelighteth in the scriptures, and my heart ^dpondereth them, and writeth them for the ^elearning and the profit of my children.

  16 Behold, my ^asoul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my ^bheart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

  17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great ^agoodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O ^bwretched man that I am! Yea, my heart ^csorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

My attention became rapt.  I was an avid journaler, I wrote the things of my soul all the time. Why did he delight in the scriptures?  I too felt that God was good and I wasn’t.  This was a prophet speaking…did he have anger issues?

27 And why should I ^ayield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to ^btemptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my ^cpeace and afflict my soul? Why am I ^dangry because of mine enemy?

Yes, he was angry and he felt terrible about it too.  I read on…

28 Awake, my soul! No longer ^adroop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the ^benemy of my soul.

  29 Do not ^aanger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

  30 Rejoice, O my ^aheart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the ^brock of my salvation.

  31 O Lord, wilt thou ^aredeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of ^bsin?

  32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my ^aheart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may ^bwalk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!

  33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy ^arighteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine ^benemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.

  34 O Lord, I have ^atrusted in thee, and I will ^btrust in thee forever. I will not put my ^ctrust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his ^dtrust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

  35 Yea, I know that God will give ^aliberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ^bask ^cnot amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the ^drock of my ^erighteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.

A waterfall of warmth and light poured into the top of my head and filled my body with a sensation I had NEVER felt before.  A feeling of confident, joyful knowing!  I slammed the book shut and yelped, “NO!”. But it was too late.  My plan had failed.  There was no escape now.  I KNEW for myself that the Book of Mormon was true and that God loved me enough to tell me in such a wonderful way.  With mixed feelings of regret and delight, I surrendered my heart to my Savior, Jesus Christ, wondering what would become of me now?

I didn’t need to worry.  I still had anger issues, but I stopped feeling guilty.  I knew God loved me and would help me.  I knew He loved me as I was and wanted me to change so I could be happier…not to fit some power trippy rules.  I can honestly say that although some years have had their ups and downs, every year has finished MORE UP than the year before as I have studied, pondered, prayed and delighted in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  He is my coach, my friend, my captain, my Redeemer.  All that is wonderful in my life is a gift from Him. I no longer have anger issues.

I am thankful that I had a mother that loved me enough to challenge me.  I’m sure that as I left her room rejoicing in my “impending perceived freedom”, she fell to her knees begging the Lord to save me and send me a blessing that would take me out of her hands and into His.  I want that for my children and I want that for everyone.   I never let a day pass without reading from the Book of Mormon. My patriarchal blessing promises me that if I make time to read from it every day I will not procrastinate.  That promise has held true through my entire life since that time and I’m in my forties! 

 I know my life is great fun because I have anchored my heart in Christ.  I keep that anchor strong through obedience to His life saving commandments and reading the Book of Mormon.

Thank you for letting me share this with you.

A More Peaceful Home, a More Peaceful World

Have you ever wondered if your house could be a place where everyone felt emotionally and physically safe?  How many times have you asked a child to finish their dinner first, OK take three more bites, OK one more.?  Do you worry about your kids and wonder what's wrong with them?  I homeschool troubled teens and have often gotten questions from parents on how to deal with their children.  The best three tools I've found for more joy in the home even with a troubled kid are the following.

First, call 1-800- Fix-a-kid (1-800-349-2543) They will send you their first tape for FREE. It will help you to stop lying, arguing and critisizing in the home.  Of course they will encourage you to buy a ton more tapes, but I have found that most parents only need that FREE one and their problems melt away.

Second, get the book "BACK IN CONTROL" by Gregory Bodenhamer.  You can get it for a penny at Amazon.com in the used section. This one is especially for very hard teens.  It's a life saver.

Third, get the book "Siblings Without Rivalry" byAdele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.  Again, you can get this at Amazon.com for about 3.50!  This book will make you mad at your parents for not reading it and you'll be thinking about that so much that you'll have to read it again so your kids won't be mad at you when they grow up!

These are my three gems for tools to a happier home where parents look for the good, set reasonable limits, promote peace and cleanliness and when this happens, the neighborhood will improve, then the town, then the county, then the state, then the country, then the world, and the ripples will go on and on! Spread the word, start peace now!

Comments on the human family

Comment on "Race, Class, Gender, and Women's Works"

By Teresa Amott and Julie Matthaei     pp285

In response to your article about "Race, Class, Gender, and Women's Works" I find a disturbing pattern of openly biased and reactionary remarks that leave you in the same despicable mind set as the people you are criticizing.  Every time you use the words "people of color" you are implying that Europeans have NO color. You also imply that "having color" makes you of more worth and concern.  What an insulting insinuation!    If you want your argument and ideas to not show your true racist colors, forget "color".  Be scientific and talk about melanin levels.  Your reasoning does nothing to rid the world of racism and gender discrimination, but only encourages others to change their racist focused against another group.

On page 284 you talk about educated white women "escaping" from the prevailing, domestic view of womanhood.  In using the word "escape" you are making a judgment  that the prevailing domestic view is WRONG or TERRIBLE needing "escape" and YET  on page 287 you praise people with higher melanin levels for  having children and maintaining families and say it's a part of the struggle against racist oppression.  You can't have it both ways.  I love my role of mother and nurturer.  It is an honor and a delight.  Most of my friends love being stay home moms and my friends who work wish they could be stay home moms.

On page 286 you talk about American Indian women as having "real" control in their homes and that they benefited from a more egalitarian sharing of power.  First of all, if these women had "real" control then the men didn't and it's not egalitarian.  Second of all, you must not know many Italian and Irish women, who according to your mind set, have no color YET in general, rule their homes wonderfully with their husbands.  You must also not be aware of the millions of low melanin Latter-day Saint women in this country who rule their homes as co-equals with their husbands.  Here is a quote from an apostle of their church.

"Remember, brethren, that in your role as leader in the family, your wife is your companion. As President Gordon B. Hinckley has taught: "In this Church the man neither walks ahead of his wife nor behind his wife but at her side. They are coequals."¹⁰ Since the beginning, God has instructed mankind that marriage should unite husband and wife together in unity.¹¹ Therefore, there is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family. They are united together in word, in deed, and in action as they lead, guide, and direct their family unit. They are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward." (April 2004 conference)

In another part of your article you talk about Europeans imposing "their notions of male superiority" as if it was a concept created by those "racist" Europeans.  This argument not only exposes your racist mind set, but your ignorance of world history. Before there was a "Europe" there was Africa, the Middle East, Asia, and nomadic tribes all of whom participated in  patriarchal societies.  It certainly wasn't a European invention.

On page 287 you talk about people of color having children and maintaining families as an essential part of the struggle against racist oppression. You accuse it was the people without color who tore these families apart through their economic system and oppression.  Have you forgotten the millions of people from Europe who left home and family seeking for a better life, who also had their families broken up and who regrouped in artificial families in their ghettos and barrios and slums.  This is not a sign of  a "white" problem as it is an example of what anyone from anywhere would do to come to a place where there is an opportunity to be better off than where they were. With the exception of the African slaves who were sold to countries around the world by their own African brothers and sisters. Again, melanin levels are not to blame.

I am not condoning the negative behaviors of anyone. I am only pointing out that your inconstancies and erroneous assumptions are equally negative behaviors and do more harm than good.  To address the issues of negative discrimination, one can not logically target any one group as all good or bad, praiseworthy or simply tolerated with irritation.  I often find it amazing at how sophomorically smug some people can be when they attack their own culture as if that makes them above their culture hence removed from their national crimes.

It has been said that you should not tear down a man's house without first building him one he can move in to.  So in criticizing your well meant yet flawed delivery I would like to offer a solution.  That solution is to step back.  Get a global perspective. The narrow and often illogical and erroneous praising of people of higher melanin levels over people of lower melanin levels shows lack of insight to the real problem. The US is unique in that it is a country where the poor and oppressed of all countries have flocked to since its inception.  American Indian nations, China, India, Middle East, Japan , Mexico, Central America, South America, Polynesia, the British Isles, Europe, Africa and more are countries where their people mostly have similar melanin levels. Yet all have turned on their own kind with violence and oppression. They have all made slaves of each other, tormenting their men, women and children and warring among themselves. The poor and oppressed are here because even with the racism and class and gender issues in the US, it's better than what was happening at home, or they would not have come AND they would have returned. Plain and simple.  This includes any African slaves who were freed after the civil war and who are still free to leave this low melanin dominant society and return to their ancestral country where they would be the dominant race.  In every country there are men and women who oppress each other.  Women oppressing men as in the Wicken and Amazon societies whose waste places are filled with the bones of healthy male boys, and men oppressing women as is seen in Middle Eastern countries where women have very little say in their own lives. 

Obviously, saying negative discrimination happens globally helps us to not target one group and in doing so becoming racist ourselves, but it doesn't solve our problem.  We need to step back even further and take a universal truth perspective.  When one takes an even clearer perspective of Human Nature, melanin levels, gender, culture and economy drop away. We see people.  The human family. There are nice people vs. mean people, selfish people vs. loving people. I define love as the desire to extend yourself to others. Hence the opposite of love is not hate (a dysfunctional extending of one's self) but selfishness.  When we talk of selfish, unkind behaviors, or abuse, issues of melanin levels, gender, and culture don't even need to be brought up as that pits groups against each other. 

Now we come down to values.  Who is to say what a "nice" person is?  Who sets the standard for what is MEAN?  I have given my definition of love, but does it match yours?  Who says "all men are created equal"?  WHO says, "Freedom belongs to everyone"?  Where does my freedom stop and yours begins?  What makes you right and me wrong?  What makes it OK for some societies to throw healthy male babies in the garbage pit but not OK to kill their female children.  Where does the world look for the authority to set world values?  Does might make right?  Then China wins.  Females are no longer valued, families should be limited, the government has all power and anyone who resists should be mowed down and education is so important that it makes sense that you would commit suicide if you do not pass the final exam.  But my heart of hearts says "no".  Something inside most people will say, "it can't be so". 

Because this assignment must include our experiences I will continue that it has been my experience that there is a loving Heavenly Father at the helm.  A perfect man who is married to a perfect woman and who loves their children enough to let them disobey His commandments and choose to not even believe in their existence.  God allowed us to come to this planet to experience physical bodies and learn to control ourselves and to be loving and forgiving.  We have to have opposition in order to learn.  This would allow pain, sorrow, cruelties and injustices.  So He provided a Savior, his first born son, our oldest brother to also come to earth so that He could experience all of our pains, sorrows, sicknesses, and sins so that he could know how to comfort us.  His ultimate sacrifice makes it possible for literally ALL people who will accept it to be completely healed as if the problem never happened.  Not even reminding emotional, mental or physical scars will be there because of the price He paid on our behalves.

I have seen humans who believed it was OK to oppress, discriminate and hurt come unto Christ and repent.  God wants us to love and take care of each other.  God works on His children's hearts and this changes their behavior towards themselves and each other.  I love this quote from E.T. Sullivan, "

            "We fancy that God can only manage his world with battalions, when all the while he is doing it with beautiful babies. When a wrong wants righting, or a truth wants preaching, or a continent needs opening, God sends a baby into the world...perhaps in a simple home and of some obscure mother.  And then God puts the idea into the mother's heart, and she puts it into the baby's mind.  And then God waits.  The greatest forces in the world are not the earthquakes and the thunderbolts.  The greatest forces in the world are babies." 

            To me this is the greatest proof that there is a God in heaven that cares, because in the worst situations good people rise up against all odds and make a positive change in the world that effect and affect many people.  "Good" behavior can not be legislated.  If God is real then so is Satan.  Satan will encourage the natural human behavior to always find a way to be mean and selfish.  "Good" behavior must come from within.  The more in tune one becomes with God the more He leads them along in truth.  I am aware that there are people who, in God's name, have done horrible things to others. These people, organizations, sects, or whatever they be are liars.  God stated clearly that by the fruits of people's behavior we will be able to spot one of His followers.  The commandments are not a set of controls set forth by a power tripping dictator. They are protective keys.  Let's look at some of the easiest and most common commandments and how they would affect the problems our world has with racism, gender and poverty.

1.      Love God First and BEST.  If we love Him more than money, more than power, more than looking good or right we will follow every one of his commandments and treat everyone kindly. 

2.      Don't worship idols: Again, don't put money and power over your relationships with God or other people

3.      Don't take God's name in vain:  Don't do mean, bad things and pretend God said to do it.  Don't disrespect His name or be too familiar, it just gets you into a position of feeling like a favorite at other's expense.

4.      Keep H

gender and race continued

5.      Honor your parents:  This will keep elderly abuse and neglect at a minimum. They allowed you to have an earth experience through their bodies. Be grateful. This will also help us to make laws that protect families and allow nurturing to happen in the home.  If your parents were meanies then forgive them....it's the only way to heal and move on

6.      Don't kill each other...no wars, no murder, no abortion, no animal abuse, respect life, do no harm.

7.      Be loyal to your mate keep intimacy for marriage. No sexually transmitted diseases, less unwanted children (foster/adopt, orphanages, street children, etc), less poverty, less domestic abuse, less child abuse, less money spent on social ills due to promiscuity and broken homes, and more money for things like education, parks and rec, and museums.

8.      Don't steal. No misused tax money, no hidden taxes, no eminent domain, no unjust land take overs, no environmental abuse, lower cost of living, less crime.

9.      Don't speak falsely.  The politicians would be honest, the media would be honest, advertising would be honest, districts and schools would be honest, truth would be spoken.

10.      Don't covet.  We would not be such a materialistic, consuming society.  We would live simply and gratefully and abundantly without waste and gorging and without competition.

Being a chemist I worked in a "Man's world" I saw the good old boys, the patronizing, the politics, but I wasn't afraid of them nor frustrated by them because I knew that if God wanted me to work there it would happen and hearts would be softened and doors would be opened.  I treated everyone as equals, even when everyone else cowed to the big bosses, I treated them like I treated my father, with respect and kindness and equality.  It threw them, but it did not damage our relationship because I refused to compete with them emotionally.  I just did my best and insisted on respect.  I always got every job I ever went for.  I believe it was because I put God first in my life and treated everyone as an equal.

            I went to school in Hawaii for a short time.  I would go into the cafeteria and sit at a table full of Chinese students, or Samoan, or Tongan, or French, or Indian students.  They were enjoying NOT having to speak English. I enjoyed the melodic sounds of other nations and did not worry about if they were talking about me or laughing at me or not. They were surprised that I sat with them instead of with my "own" people.  But they were "my" people too sharing the same spiritual heritage and future.  By the end of the semester I had more friends around the world than anyone else I knew.  I often received compliments from non-American students that they felt safe being who they were with me.  God created different people to test our capability to be loving and forgiving.  The good things about one's culture should be embraced the things that go against God's commandments should be discarded as destructive and dysfunctional behaviors, not pridefully clung to in the name of diversity. God does have the authority to say what that is. He's the only one.

So my dear ladies, your focusing on the sins of one group does nothing to rid the world of racism and  gender discrimination, but only encourages others to become racist and discriminating against that group.  A universal perspective is what is needed to rid the world of these crimes not more criminal behavior.